damn my dad. seriously. he used my laptop to install SKYPE, THEN deleted my msn messenger. OII. i mean, skype is the SAME as msn messenger, only less popular among the others.! what rights does HE have to say its a VIRUS when skype may be one to huh HUH.??

Anyway. i think im gonna install it again if piggy wants to see me:D i shall get the installation in my thumbdrive or something.

today's supposed to be the last day of pouching and MAN. its not a good day at all. i have so many backlogs that i cant cope with, and the things that i do seemed to be all wrong. adriany got angry with me but she didnt accept my apology - which is quite alright, cause even if i said 3928492840294802 sorries, it cant make anything go right unless i learn from the mistake. which hopefully, i did.

i stayed to work ot today and it was only just me and oliver. the atmosphere was a bit weird. we hardly talk. the only times we talk is when oliver asks what im doing, or she's telling me to do the pouches, or when she said she was disappointed in me.

i know shes disappointed. she said i used to do things so well, always on time. but ever since this, i havent done a single thing on time. i told her it was hard for me to manage and i really cant cope. she didnt say anything after that. i guess she knows how hard i've tried. not eating out most of the times, staying till late at night.. if she doesnt know, i dont know what to say anymore. i've been slogging my ass off and i hope she realises im making the effort to do so.

i flagged for a taxi ( my first time.! ) after work and this man had a really sharp and loud voice. he talked a lot at the end part, and the most embarrassing is, i told him to turn left when its supposed to be right.! it caused so much trouble for him and he had to make a sharp u turn and when it did happen, i imagined my dad in front of the taxi saying,' WAH LAO. THIS GUY DONT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE AH.!? OLD GRANDFATHER'S ROAD.!' that kind of thing.now i understand why taxi drivers do this- its cause of passengers like ME.!

Later, we talked about the old houses around my area and the kopitiams that are popular in singapore. he reached my area, and he said my house is unique.! honestly, i was a bit shocked. i've seen millions of unique houses, from glassed walls to beautifully painted houses of un-squarish structures.. i dont know. theres so many.! my house looks like any other house, painted with a boring shade of white and brown. its not even special and he couldnt stop praising it. later i told him that the rest of such terrace houses were being sold and made into new houses and i pointed to him some. after a while, i paid him the cash and he asked where im from.

OK. I FELT SOOOO EMBARRASSED OK. was it cause of the left-right incident.??!

i said i was singaporean and he had a gooood stare at me. FINE. so i dont know where my house is really located at. then he said, i'll give you my namecard, if you need any help, call me ok.? i thanked him and left, wondering if taxi drivers have their own name cards now. when i reached home, i stared at the card and HOLY.

THIS MAN IS AN ASSOCIATE REALTOR, more of the buy-sell property kind of job. i was half shocked, half laughing. i mean, this guy works with 'property' and he thinks my house is UNIQUE.?! its kind of funny that i started telling him that houses here were bought and made into some other kinds of houses and IN THE END, he works for such things. haha. this is gonna be sooo spooky man. i'd better flag the right taxi next time.

piggy((: i didnt forget you x) i just mentioned you on my blogpost ok.! one word, three words in my room all alone, and they're all directed to you:D

alright. i know this is really stupid but, this is like the first time using a laptop to post a blog post which i feel is DAMN cool cause this laptop ain't my dad's. its MINEEE. WHEEEEE:D

anyway, things have been going uhhh, not so well for me)): i've been stressed and stretched so hard in citibank that it kind of snapped yesterday. i couldnt stop thinking of how useless i am, that i cant meet the deadlines.. it just drove me crazy that day. i couldnt stop biting my fingers to hold back my tears, my thoughts. i even teared every now and then, and it kind of sucked cause i have to hide and pretend that i just yawned or something. things are just not going so right for me. it just sucks when work isnt working out for you. im leaving in a month's time. thats so bloody long, i cant wait to leave and start studying like, NOW.

but before that, i really feel like having a day off and sit at the beach doing exactly NOTHING. let the sea breeze brush my hair, smell the sand, the sea, the coconuts on the tree, stare into the sky and watch the clouds mould themselves into shapes.. doesnt it sound soo good.? or maybe im too stressed to think thats almost heaven. haha. a life like that, how great((:

today was like, the best day i ever had since i started being a poucher. piggy came down to not only see me during lunch, but also after work, just to walk me home((: thats so sweet piggy:D although i kind of passed him my unhappiness a bit, but he took it willingly and soon we're both ok:D wheee.! i've had so much fun today. thank you SO much piggy:D

tomorrow i hope i can meet weichan. i cant wait.! i havent seen her in like, weeks man.! it almost feels like a year.!! if tomorrow i cant see her, i'll probably start suffering from weichan withdrawal symtoms)): is that how you spell that.?

i love my lappy, my piggy, weichan, and the beach:D

OH YES, I MUST ALSO THANK CLEMENT AND DARYL FOR TODAY.

clement : thank you SO much for helping me SO much. it looked almost impossible to complete THIS much but you DID.! it helped me with my workload alot.! thank you:D

daryl : thanks for checking if im ok every once in a while.! i appreciate it very much((: thank you for the care and concern:D

yes yes I know I've just blogged earlier but I just cant seem to get it off my mind.

I dont know why I'm so touchy today. Little things piss the shit out of me, make me so irritated and make me feel so.. sad. I feel like crying to anything stupid or actually, crying to everything that I DON'T cry over. It sucks really. Is this what people call, 'PMSING'.?! I'm so sure this is.

I don't know. So many things running through my mind now, and I cant seem to even like, see what they are. Things like that book I wanted to get so badly is there, swimming somewhere. Pk, piggy, colin choo, mahjong, dad, my hamsters.. I dont know. They suddenly kind of like, overwhelm my brain that I think they're pressing on my veins. My head's pounding.

I hate work, the pouches, the workload I have to face tomorrow. I'm gonna have to OT like, almost everyday next week and the thought of it makes me feel like crying. I dont wanna go to work. I dont wanna be a poucher. I dont want the money. Its burdening me with a hell lot of things. I cant depend on my mother anymore. I feel so young to start being independent. I'm just not up for it. Call me lousy, a loser, but I just cant. I'm sorry.

I feel so shitty now. I'm dampening everyone's spirits cause of my stupid PMS god damnit. Msn cant work either. Piggy's upset and its all my fault. My head's on the table, hearing the music beats and muffled voices.

Today's the most heartbreaking day ever. I'm crying in front of the fucking screen again for the god damn 3rd time in myl ife. I just feel like, crying the fuck out of my eyes and hope they'll bleed to death. I wish someone would dig my heart out then rip it into pieces cause it wouldnt hurt so much.

I feel like dying.

He touched my computer again, and for a good reason too.

See, my router had been like, broken since the day my dad just GAVE it to me. It isn't connecting well, disconnecting me sometimes, but hey, i can live with it. Its totally fine. And today, he had to come into my room so early in the morning yelling at me things like,' OI. I SAID BRUSH YOUR TEETH' and,' HOW CAN YOU EVEN BREAK THIS.?! I CANT BELIEVE YOU BROKE THIS.!'

The fact is I did, I just didnt tell him. Besides, its STILL working. Whats the fuss.?!

Later, he took my router and super-glued it and guess what. He spoilt it like, totally. It couldnt even FIND signals anymore. I'm not blaming him for it, he should've let me sleep a little longer and let things as it is until its really, really broken. For the entire day, I had to hear his yells and swears and I really said nothing.

My auntie's really stupid too. She kept throwing away my contacts and I have to keep opening a new pair which is like, 15 bucks.

I didnt tell my parents about it but I did tell my auntie not to touch it. Shes cool about it. My mother had to peep at my sms and make such a big fuss over it that my dad had to scream and shout at me. Worse, my stupid GRANDMA was in the car ALSO and she had to join in with my dad to create SUCH A SCENE i felt like just kicking their asses and throw them out of the car. Except the car isnt really mine at all.

So fine, anything's ok except my GRANDMA. wait, I dont think she deserves me calling her 'GRANDMA'.

Shopping with my mom and bro wasnt really as fun, but at least I didnt have to see my dad for at least half a day. I didnt get any clothes, my mom refused to get this book i fell in love with even. she has NEVER refused to let me get a book. Just cause I earn money now, she has decided to make me pay for everything.

which is true, if I have the money, I can/SHOULD pay for the things I want.

But no, I didnt get it in the end, even if its like, 21 bucks, cause I-

Wait. I dont know how to complete that sentence. I just didnt get it.

I was really REALLY sad after that. I think imma buy it soon. I THINK.

Got home, told my dad that the router isnt even working after he has 'fixed' it. Same thing, yell, shout, scream, swear. HEY. thats like, YSSS. ok, from now on, YSSS means YELL, SHOUT, SCREAM, SWEAR. Its so much easier to type. ysss ysss ysss.

Then he saw my MSN. The usual. 'AMANDA.I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO INSTALL THIS THING. ITS A VIRUS I TELL YOU.! VIRUS.!!! '

So he deleted it. Great. I'm just gonna install it back later.

What can I do to make him believe it isnt a virus.?

Work's piling like crazy. I think to an ant, its gonna look like MT Everest. Oliver's been picking on me yet I can't do anything but hope this will all end soon. Yes, I know its ending in a month's time, but thats bloody long and I can't stand another minute of it. The only most enjoyable thing about this place is actually the PEOPLE in citibank. Kind, helpful and friendly. I like((:

So well, I actually stayed to work OVERTIME today. In citibank, anyone who works overtime on a FRIDAY is classified as 'someone with no life'. FRIDAY'S THE DAY TO HANG OUT MAN. what are you guys doing in the OFFICE.?!

Its not like I want to, I don't really have the choice. But it was actually fun because I've finally get to sit beside Juliana and shoot my mouth off. I haven't been talking to her since god knows when, cause we're separated by a thin metal wall and we have so much to do we can't even stop to eat lunch together. Its that bad, so hard to see each other even though we're in the same room. I was really glad when she said this,' amanda, I really missed you so much.' She said it with such.. I don't know, like she meant it sooo badly that I was really touched((: I talked a lot, like from being a 'superhero' to 'being a driver', which she also wished I'll NEVER be. She also said,' you had better wish that you can park your car easily' which made me go like,'OI. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I SUCK AT PARKING.!?'

so fine, everyone thinks I can't drive and Imma kill loads of people)):

hahahaha. Juliana might be the only true friend i have there, and im glad i have her:D

life can be so perfect for me, but when it comes to big decision makings, i never seem to have the chance to decide on my own. always, i have people around me, controlling my life, my future. this doesnt seem at all nice. i know they want the best for me, but this is what i want to do with my life. why cant any of you give me the freedom of picking my own path.?

i know i've just blogged a few minutes ago, but i've heard something that almost blacked me out. energy seem to seep out of my body and my fingers were cold. i found it so bloody hard to breathe.

TO THE PERSON WHO KNOWS WHO 76 IS.

i hope you know what you're doing. this isnt a game with someone ORDINARY. that guy's a hell of a bastard. i hope you'll be careful. i just cant believe you're making this decision to do this. you've helped me in so many ways to avoid problems with him and NOW. whats going on.? i'm not here to break both of you up. i mean if you love him, good for you. but i hope things wont go the same way as they did to me, which created a huge impact in my life.

i just couldnt believe something like this is happening. please tell me this is a rumor. tell me this isnt true. for months, you knew everything, what he does, you've helped me escape him. now you're trapped.? i really REALLY hope you know what you're doing. really. i'll pray that he isnt what he was in the past, if you're really giving him a chance.

what happened to those warnings i gave you last year.? it was even as early as June 2007. did it not get into you.? he isnt the 'prince' i drew for you on the table, he isnt the 'prince' that will give you happiness you've longed so bad.

i just hope you know what you're doing, cause if you dont and something happens, not only am i gonna break his dick, i'll be really disappointed with you.

As requested, i'm gonna update my blog for 2 men who,
1. comes to my blog like 5 times a day to check for updates.
2. who just want some new material to read.

so fine, i shall do it since these two men arent just ORDINARY people((: i think, last week was THE best week i've ever had.! For THREE days in a row, i've got to see my dear PIGGY, ranked SECOND is weichan ;) and then my bro. then again, my bro cant be counted cause I SEE HIM EVERYDAY. so OUT.

heh. doesnt matter if he's out or not, cause piggy's THE most important ;)

so well, on thursday, i celebrated my valentines day with piggy ( OF COURSE ) and weichan, who isnt really in the mood for valentines day. but well, i've tried really hard to make her as happy as i can and PIGGY tried to be super BHB to get her to cheer up.! i will NEVER forget that face piggy:D

friday happened to be one tyco day. my parents have their own things to attend to and my mom thought that it might be a good time to actually go out with my bro to get my hamsters. so, when parents aren't around, it means that FRIENDS CAN BE THERE :D WHEEE~! i called weichan and piggy and we headed to parkway together with my bro too:D we did alot of discussing and i got the foodstuff and everything((: thank you. ALL OF YOU. without all of you, i'd probably just buy whatever i see =x hahahaha((:

we sent weichan back later and my bro, piggy and i walked home. we talked alot, and i was being soooo nice to carry the hamster food for my bro, cause normally i wouldnt, but he said i've never treated him as a bro so i've decided to just hold it once to prove it. im so sure that was what he wanted me to do, but i was happy with it anyway(:

we stayed out till 11 plus at night, which is really REALLY late cause my curfew is like, 10pm latest. i had a hell lot of fun that day, though i wasnt in the best of moods during the day. <3 piggy AND weichan ;)

saturday, piggy and i headed out to cine first to watch JUMPER, which was a super cool movie with a halfway kind of ending, but it doesnt matter cause i was dreaming that I AM a jumper and it kind of triggered a dream i used to dream in the past - to have some sort of extrodinary power inside me. hahahaha. what a laugh. but then again, im still hoping i DO have one =x i'm such a kid/pig.! x)

after the movie, we headed to PS to get my hamster bathing tray and a home in DIASO ( if im not wrong ) cause everything thing there is just TWO BUCKS YO:D piggy was totally fascinated by the beautiful plates and stuffs and he couldnt believe everything was just 2 bucks;) whooooo:D its almost paradise. if only the Diaso in PS is like the one in IMM. THAT one is REALLY paradise.! hahaha.

SEE. three days in a ROW. it felt so damn good cause i've been restricted again. i guess being restricted hurts a bit cause i cant go out and *winks* but when i'm restricted and i go for like say, one or two outings, it'll make me the happiest person on earth. So three days in a row would mean that i'm already on the moon((:

haha. last of all, i'd like to blog something that * winks winks winks *
that was self explainitory. if you get what i mean.

i love you, piggy((:

today was quite a lousy day, if you ask me. i started the day TIRED and damn shag, and to make things worse, JB CSOS ( citibankers from JB ) had to increase their workload by TWO TIMES, which means that i have to send TWO TIMES more files than i sent the previous time. in other words, i have to send TWO HUNDRED files and sending ONE FILE isnt easy at all.

so there, but piggy did call me in the morning so its so much better, if not i would have just died before i started work. :D thanks piggy:D

finally, around 5 plus, some idiots came in to change ALL the lightbulbs though they were working perfectly fine. this totally shows that citibank is just too rich eh.? haha. well, we were all kicked out cause the whole room would be in total darkness and theres no way we can proceed with our work unless we strain our eyes in the dark, which im sure many wouldnt wanna do. in fact, im sure everyone loves the fact that they can slack during worktime yes.? :D

only, oliver didnt slack at all.! she stayed in there, total darkness, doing her work with a small lamp. damn, shes hardworking. wheres the medal.?

me a juliana decided to take a break at the toilet and hah:D great timing yo ((: piggy and weichan were outside my office.! i rushed out and heh heh. they were hiding something.! MY VALENTINES GIFT. its lumpy.. and probably small.. A NECKLACE.?! urgh. i had a hard time guessing you know.! i cant wait till thur:D:D:D

THURSDAY = VALENTINES DAY
= seeing piggy
= and seeing weichan
= present:D
= eat turkish resturant.!
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.
= TOUCH PIGGY'S HAIR:D
i missed that part sooo much muhahaha >=)

anyway, thanks so much guys. you guys made my day((: really. hahaha. somemore you guys turned back again just to see me for another minute or so.! thats super sweet((:

i love you guys so much <3
valentines day~!

hahahaha. new year's great and the 4 days went past like 4 blinks of an eye. thats pretty quick i think, and i've been losing money playing mahjong man. earlier i lost 15 bucks, before i think i lost a dollar HAH. but well, its been great and sad to say, THERES WORK TOMORROW. no)):

also, it means that VALENTINES DAY is coming.! weichan we gotta hurry and work things out.! >< but well, 101% confirm can go out on valentines so, things'll work out just fine im sure:D

anyway, i had a conversation with my god bro from aus earlier.! its been a really LONG time since i've seen him online and boy, we had a good talk about our lives and everything. and HEY, they celebrate chinese new year too man.! i told him i was off to play some mahjong and he had no idea what they are except, this is how he described them which made me and my brother laugh really hard.

amanda says:
oh and sorry didi)):
`amanda says:
my parents want me to go downstairs and play mahjong =.=
`amanda says:
so i cant talk to you anymore)):
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
WOW
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
YOU PLAY GAMES
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
WITH YOUR PARENTS?
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
sounds fun.....
`amanda says:
mahjong = gambling game lol.
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
OH
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
IS IT
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
THOSE
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
LIL
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
blocks
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
and you keep them in a line
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
and theres a whole bunch
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
mixed up
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
in the middle?
`amanda says:
yes my dear((:
` stevenart ; tiredd says:
i dunoh what im talking bout

of course you dont know what you're talking about. its a damn hilarious way to describe mahjong boy.!

its chinese new year guys and boy, the visiting thing is totally wearing me out. its not like i have a lot of uncles and aunties to visit, but i dont know why its still tiring me out anyway. i've met up with a lot of people i haven't met in AGES. like my stupid popo, timmy and the rest.

also, i hereby declare that chinese new year for MY family is NOT about the ang pows, tangerines or the visiting. its about MAHJONG. yes mahjong.! they just cant seem to get enough of it.! THREE DAYS in a ROW, they've been playing mahjong NON-STOP. every house we visit, they play. their poor children suffer as all they can do is sit on the couch for HOURS and watch movies. just today alone i've watched FOUR. yesterday i've watched THREE. the day before i've watched TWO. it just gets getting bigger and bigger. my head's exploding.

today was a BIT more fun though. cheryl, nichelle and i went to the nearby playground to

there IS a good news though. i hereby declare that i'm not afraid of TIMOTHY HAN'S HAIR. hah.! beat that yo.! finally, i think im able to speak to him like he's my cousin:D hah((:

and cause of a special someone *winks*, i've taken some *retarded* pictures to show him, and all of you guys ( duh. ) they're pretty lame alrights and i havent taken any today cause i felt so sick watching the tv.

cherlyn, me and cheryl:D
cherlyn irritating me ( i guess thats why my face's like that.? )
not my idea ok.! cherlyn said to make a stupid face and i did. but i think i look TERRIFYING than STUPID. gahh. then again, i hear someone saying in my ear that ' all you have to do is look like how you always do, and you'll look stupid for this photo'. sounds like luqman. haha.

cherlyn up close:D she looks like a pig though, but no pimples.! ENVY.

hahaha. we look good yo(:

that orange is a MUST HAVE. i look.. gross.

stupid orange. i look so curious.

i kind of like this picture, except my hair's a bit messy eh.

THIS IS THE PICTURE I WANTED TO SHOW MY PIGGY:D <3 you piggy((:

this version looks nicer:D

the hans family, today's generation ( i missed out my cousins in australia cause i forgot their names =x )

my scrabble monster:D

i hope piggy feels better. my poor piggy)): actually, i'm really looking forward to 19 Feb, and i'm really praying very VERY hard that i get into SP so my plan'll work out. even if it doesnt, it means i can see you everyday. even if i dont, knowing that you're nearby makes me feel so good.

i <3 you piggy:D

things have gotten better, and best of all, AMANDA CAN GO OUT TOMORROW. joy. hahaha.

so well, it all started with a little bit of initiative this morning, by asking my mom whats her point of view on why she is unhappy with me going out. it took me a hell LOT of courage to ask that question, and i was shifting my butt here and there on the market chair. after a really long time, i finally asked. i stammered and ate my words up, but i thank god she heard it anyway. she told me that she was unhappy by the fact that i'm always with my friends, that my friends are top priority compared to family. she also feels that i hang out alot, and i tell her my plans the day before or on the day itself. most importantly, each time i'm not in for dinner, she'll feel as if she has lost a daughter.

i sort of didnt get it at first, but i felt like crying anyway. i dont understand why i always feel like crying in front of confrontations. its really irritating.

so there i was, trying hard to listen and make sure i dont cry. after she was done, i did alot of thinking. i stared into space and hoped to find a solution to it all, and bring up even more courage to say 'sorry' but i didnt. after a while, she said,' amanda you want a piece of bread?'

i was really touched by this. i almost died trying to hold back my tears. after all the nasty things i've done that probably made her so heartbroken, she's offering me a piece of BREAD.!

after that she headed to work, but i knew what i'm supposed to do now. make sure she's happy and i obviously have to tell her my plans before hand and well, spend more time with the family.

she met me and my bro at parkway earlier and i've decided to get a nice tee for my mom since she made my day with just a piece of bread. she was really happy, i feel. i hope i've made her day((:

because of this, my mom agreed to let me out tomorrow to treat piggy and weichan. this is such a happy ending. of course, i can't be complacent. this MUST continue.! ((:

i'm missing piggy.! i get to see my dear piggy tomorrow:D