Lucky died today due to a heart attack. It was so sudden it totally took me offguard. Thank you everyone who tried to comfort me, but I think I've done too much and have sinned ):

I don't like dead animals. I really don't. I think they hit me harder than a human death, but I just can't help myself sometimes. I see dead animals, I shiver, I get upset really easily and I pray to our Creator to give them a better life.

When I saw my dead hamster, I was frozen with fear. I had no idea what to do and when I needed to hold it, I felt so scared, so alone. I felt as if I've sinned. I didn't give it enough love and care. It's my fault it died and that it could've lived a much richer life with someone else.

I really hated that feeling. I felt like it was plain muder.

Holding my dog today, rushing it to a vet made me terrified. I didn't want to touch it, I don't want to feel it's cold body. It can't possibly be real.

It was barking just 1 second ago and now it's dead.

I really thought it was just my fault for everything. Yeah, I should've sent it to the vet immediately. Yeah, I should've had their card with me.

Yeah, I should've known what to do in such a situation.

My mom had the exact same feeling. She was scared to hold it, to touch it's cold and lifeless body.

I'm happy though, that whatever it is, Lucky left happy. She was happy, I can see it. We've been giving her a lot more attention, letting her see the world, work her paws and make her smile and play with her.

She had a good life and I'm really happy for her. Hope she'll recarnate or live in heaven and be even happier than she was on Earth.

We love you Lucky.