what should i do.. i've gone through a hell lot this week, whether it is AH or my studies, both sucked.

studies.. i dont know. it isnt good at all. nothing is. i just got scolded from my mom earlier for not finishing even ONE assessment book on chinese ( 'O's starts on 28th may for chinese ) and not reading that chinese oral thing to prepare for my exams. i really REALLY want to do all those but it just seems that..

I CANT SEEM TO FIND THE TIME.!

its true. i cant seem to find the time for all those now. struggling with my tuition homework to do all my a maths once all over again, to learn my chem.. chinese preparation, school homework.. a maths.. its all TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.! theres hardly even TIME to read anything, let alone do all those work.

now even time for sleeping or PEEING is so hard to find ):

the accumulted stress.. oh god. its hard to handle. but i remembered what kor said. god will always be with you(: i shall remember that. hah.

AH.. i've been having alot of stress over him. this week we almost. yea. you know. but i failed. I KNOW. i know i really should. everyone is telling me that. even people like RYAN or NEVIN is like. telling me to do so INDIRECTLY. i know i should have done it. i should still do it. i should do WHAT i want to do.

thing is, i dont know what i really want.

sometimes i just go like. argh. lets just get over and done with. sometimes i dont even want to. thats why i tried on wed ( is it.? ) despite the other half telling me to stop. but i didnt succeed. he seem to be so.. sad.

rawr larh. i cant stand sad people.

so well. im still stuck in the middle of everything. do i really want this or not.? is it affecting me.? for the time being, its only affecting me EMOTIONALLY, not physically or whatever. so my homework and all is NOT affected. thank goodness.

leow. i've been thinking really long. i've read the letter and it only left me blank in the end. why.? i really really think of you as such a best friend you can no longer be any HIGHER in that post than anyone else. i know its not possible to be THAT important to you because. well you're you, and im me.

i really thought of writing the letter here cause it saves time and ink ( i've been buying pens this whole week and they seem to keep running out of ink. ) but i guess.. maybe im stupid or something, but i really wanted you to keep the letter i wrote to you as a memory.

i really dont want you to forget me.